Women, Pleasure, and Sexual Sounds








Women’s Sex Noises Have Little To Do With Their Orgasms


 A few thoughts here regarding another sex-survey. This one described the sounds women make during sex with men, and the “discovery” that young women who made sounds during sex and orgasm do not necessarily orgasm.

 Their sounds were not proof of pleasure.


The women revealed that they manipulate their sex sounds to make their partner orgasm faster so they could end their encounters faster. 

The average age of the women questioned was only 22.

A heterosexual male friend, who read the article asked me my thoughts on it.  I pointed out that the subjects of the study were all young women, only 22-years of age. Since the survey excluded a fuller range of age and sexually experienced women, women more comfortable with themselves and their sexuality– the study did really not give a full picture.

I have little respect for these studies that all too often focus only on this very narrow age group of women in their 20’s. Seriously, do they really think women in their 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s do not have sex? How about surveying women with life experience. And yet, time and again I see these sexuality studies mainly based on this very limited demographic.

If the study had included women twice that age and older — and some women with more confidence, then it would have resulted in a very different conclusion I responded to him.


And he asked, Would that mean their sexual sounds would be louder?”


No, it does not mean their sex sounds would be louder. Louder is not proof of better.


Sexual sounds and the connection they have to pleasure and/or orgasm are not gauged by loudness.

Women who fake it can do so at a very high volume if they choose to. Whereas a confidant woman, a woman with some life experience, self-knowledge, and trust has little inhibition when it comes to being authentic and true to herself during her sexual encounters.

This kind of woman is a good communicator, truthful with her needs, interests, and fears too. And when it comes to her sex sounds, be they loud screams or quiet whimpers or purrs, she is comfortable being honest with herself and her partner.


This kind of woman allows for the natural expression of her pleasure sensation to flow without inhibition or pretend acting. There is no need for faking it. A confidant woman, comfortable in her sexuality, would not make fake sex sounds for performance sake only. She would not make sounds to manipulate her lover.

I whole heartedly agree that sounding during sex when natural can be liberating and enhance pleasure for both people. Sexual experiences without the pretending are true and pleasurable.

Sounds increase good feelings for many women. To enjoy sexual fulfillment some things need to be present at her core. Self-assurance, the ability to communicate truthfully and with compassion, having comfort and trust. All of those qualities enhance pleasure.


Feeling safe is a key to surrender.


When a woman trusts her partner enough to surrender, enough to express her likes and dislikes without fear of hostility or rejection — when she feels safe enough to let go completely and open herself to her lover and her own sensations, then her pleasure will be set free without inhibition or need for manipulation.

The expression of her sounds will spontaneously arise from a deep, true, and exhilarating place from within her core and that song of joy will be shared with her lover, naturally.

Being true to herself and not faking or molding herself to fit to another’s expectation then of course her truth sounds will be heard.

The authentic sounds of pleasure heard during love-making develop from intimacy and trust… Intimacy does not depend on loudness. Trust and communication can speak in tender whispers too.




Here is the link for the original survey article:












Musing to the Thump: A Call to the Threshold



The Threshold

Terra Wise May, 2011

Thump… bump-bump. Out of the silence and darkness, up from the stillness came the awareness, an awareness of the sound. Subtle at first, but soon becoming more and more persistent.

Thump, bump-bump. Is it my heartbeat? Maybe it is.

The sound I try to understand certainly has made me aware of my heart pounding, reacting with a measure of fear, increasing in its intensity, I cannot seem to quiet the interior thumps as I strain to understand the external ones.

Thump bump-bump, now drumming on the inside and out.


Slowly it occurs to me, I must have woken, each time I react to this fact in the same way, as if struck by a true miracle. I am awake once again from the mystery of sleep, one moment there is nothingness and next comes awareness, self-awareness. Yes, ok, I have established I am awake (at least I hope so, I think so).


I have made it through another night. I am alive again, returned from the land of sleep, birthed into a new day… this never ceases to amaze me. But what is that noise, that sound? Mind moving, highly alert now and tracking… Focused on moving my attention outward into the realm of greater external awareness.

Paying attention…

Ok, I hear the wind in the trees, a beautiful sound I recognize, ah, the leaves are awake with me.

Thump bump-bump … pause … Thump bump-bump…

Yes of course that must be it, the wind nudging at the door, an easy enough answer sure enough, and the solution equally easy, just close the window.

Thump-bump-bump… hmm, ok, close them a little more — fine, all the way shut now.


But how can this be?! Thump, bump-bump, the door continues to speak with its morse code of thumps and bumps, yet the logical cause has been dealt with.


The large pane of glass next to the drumming door is silent and still. I press my ear and cheek against the coolness of it, palms opened wide, fingers touching, sensing. Odd, there is no vibration, only stillness while the door immediately next to the widow seems to be dancing, agitated, drumming and sounding an alarm.


What is going on?


 In the next instant it is suddenly completely quiet, allowing an interior door in my mind to open. If it were possible to feel such a thing, an invitation has arrived.


The door seems to be beckoning, calling me to move through the divide from this side to the other… I know too that whatever is on the other side is not of this world, not what has been here in all the previous days. Something immense has changed and it resides just on the other side of the door.


A magnetic force, a pulling has me convinced, I could easily cross through the pane of glass if I desired, but the door has started its song and dance again, louder and more forceful than before.


The doorknob too, it has begun to turn, to rotate, a moment prior to my hand even touching it…


I had only imagined my hand on the handle. THUMP BUMP-BUMP!!


The door is speaking louder and louder, more insistent now. I have no choice, as if compelled I turn the handle and ever so slowly I open the door. What is that magical fragrance I wonder as I step across the threshold…